i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
