We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Randomize
