made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
