break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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