So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Randomize
