do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
