Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
