Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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