someone threw a dead crab at me
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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