When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
