The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
