textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
