I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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