This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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