You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
