Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
