Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
