Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
It was confusing and full of hummus
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
