i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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