I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
