Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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