I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
