it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
My breasts were aching with rage.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
