my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
