Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
