I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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