Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
