Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I don't deserve a penis
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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