I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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