Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
