ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
