Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
