she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
