They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
