You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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