we made out on top of his cat.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
