who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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