I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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