He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
