You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
