you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
