Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
