woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
