Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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