I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
