the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
