mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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