I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
PANTIES FOUND
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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