I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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