I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
