Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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