My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
