Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
the day after is always just damage control
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
