marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
