dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
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