I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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