There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
