I saw his package. It spoke to me.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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