ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
So many bounce houses so little time
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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