Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
